Today’s thoughts:
Five or six years ago, I never would have pictured myself doing what I’m doing now. I had a completely different plan for myself that was very exact and very mapped out. But I love what I do now, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. If I was doing what I had planned for myself for so many years, I would be so bored.
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Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a great ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.
— Bertrand Russell
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I need a life chat. I feel lost. I have so many decisions to make, and I feel like a train wreck inside every time I think about making one of them. This is bad.
If someone wants to fly over to China and talk all of this out with me, that would be awesome.
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I’m booking my flight to China in the next few days.
I’ve been thinking that somewhere inside of me there’s this smothered albatross waiting for me to consciously realize it’s there so it can tell me, “It’s all okay, Ash. I’m going to take over. You’ve done your best to follow the path society has set out for you, but now, let me show you something new, something abstruse to be sure, but something worthwhile.” And I may fight the bird at first, struggle to convey my concerns of leaving so many things behind, so many dreams peremptorily unfulfilled, but I eventually would fail to argue with any fragment of logical stamina. The albatross is right, of course. And I give in.
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